The Surprising Power of Word Choice in Child Development
Tuesday, December 19, 2023
The Surprising Power of Word Choice in Child Development
Words are extremely powerful, don't you think?
In the hands of a parent, they're like magic wands, capable of wonders. It's fascinating how a simple shift in what we say can transform our little ones' day – and ours too!
Think about it: that moment when your kiddo is about to give up on a tricky puzzle. You chime in with a "You're almost there, you can do it!" and boom – their eyes light up, and they're back in the game, determination renewed.
When they're upset, instead of a quick "Don't cry," what if we said, "I see you're really sad. Let's talk about it?'
And, oh! The promises we make. Remember every single "We'll go to the park this weekend" or "Ice cream after your homework"? They hold onto these words like precious treasures. Keeping these promises, or being honest when we can't, teaches them about trust and reliability.
That being said, words are really powerful when it comes to raising our kids - more importantly, our word choice.
In this blog, we're diving into the splashy pool of parenting, where every word is like a ripple that can either turn into a wave of confidence or a whirlpool of doubt to our kids.
The "Try" Trap
Imagine if every 'I'll try' in your life turned into an 'I'll do.' Boom! That's the power switch we're talking about. Basically, it's like flipping a light switch in a dark room – everything suddenly becomes clear and possible.
Recently, I had Mike Arce in Powerful Parenting Podcast and oh boy - you gotta hear this out! He shared that in his household, there are actually illegal words - words they don't ever say wherever they are and whatever they do. And nope. Not the illegal words you're thinking! 🙈
These are actually words that we always say. Words that everyone uses. Words that actually seem...harmless. And one of them is the word - TRY. We actually did a quick exercise in this episode and it made me realize how such a small change of word can actually do huge mindset shifts.
For example:
"Hey, Stephanie! Can you make it to the barbecue party this Friday night?"
"Ooooh. I'll try."
Basically with that response, I am leaving myself an escape hatch. I'm not fully committing to the party. It's as if I'm saying, "I might come... but then again, I might not."
That's the 'try' trap right there. It's a non-committal, maybe-yes-maybe-no kind of world.
Now, let's flip that script. Imagine I respond with:
"Absolutely, I'll be there!"
See the difference? It's night and day! This response is all about commitment, clarity, and certainty.
So whenever we say 'try,' we're essentially giving ourselves a loophole to fail. It's like wearing a life jacket while standing on the shore. But switch that to 'do,' and suddenly, you're diving into the ocean of commitment.
It's bold, it's brave, and it's incredibly empowering.
And hey, this isn't just about us adults. It's about the little ears that are picking up everything we say. Kids are like mini copycats. If they hear us stuck in 'try' mode, they might think it's okay to half-heartedly approach their goals and challenges.
But if they grow up in a 'do' environment? They're learning to be full-on action heroes, taking on life with gusto and determination.
By choosing 'do' over 'try,' we're not just tweaking our vocabulary.
We're transforming our mindset. We're telling ourselves and the world, 'I'm not just thinking about it; I'm doing it!' It's a declaration of intent, a commitment to action, and a step towards achieving what we set out to do.
So, let's embrace this simple yet powerful change.
Let's set the stage for action, growth, and success - especially to our kiddos.
The Magic of Our Words
Words can be tricky too. Mike also dropped this truth bomb – saying "I'm proud of you" can be, wait for it... unhealthy. Mind blown, right?
When I first heard that, I was like...what? But I say this to my kids all the time? Every great parent that I know says these to their kids. Besides, what's the harm in saying we're proud of them?
Mike learned this and he shared in this podcast's episode that the reason why the word "I'm proud of you" might not be the best choice of words. is because you are creating a sense of dependency on external validation.
Every time we say "I'm proud of you," it's like we - parents, subtly imply that their achievements are significant only when we acknowledge them. It's a tricky thing because, on the surface, it seems like a supportive statement. But deep down, it's tying their sense of accomplishment to our approval.
Mike's insight here is a game-changer. Instead of saying "I'm proud of you," what if we shifted the focus back to the child? Asking them, "How proud are you of yourself right now?"
Powerful, right?
It encourages our kiddos to reflect on their own feelings of pride and accomplishment.
It’s about making them realize that their achievements are theirs - they own them, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
This approach is all about fostering internal validation. We're teaching kids that their accomplishments are valuable because they feel it, not because someone else says so. It's an empowering mindset that can build their self-esteem and confidence in the long run.
While we're encouraging them to find pride in themselves, it’s also crucial to let them know that we are naturally proud of them. This isn't about withholding our admiration or approval. We should ensure that they understand that our pride is a natural response to their efforts and achievements, not the reason for their efforts and achievements.
In essence, we're helping our kids develop a strong internal compass. They learn to seek personal satisfaction and pride in their achievements, not just external validation. It’s a subtle yet profound shift in how we communicate and reinforce their sense of self-worth.
As parents, our role is to support them in recognizing their own accomplishments and to assure them that our pride is a bonus, not the goal.
Wrapping Up
This journey through the world of words and their impact on child development is more than just a linguistic exploration. It's a deep dive into the heart of parenting, where every phrase we utter can be a building block or a stumbling stone in our children's path.
So, as parents, let's be mindful of our words.
Let's choose them with care, knowing they have the power to shape minds, mold characters, and influence futures. And, of course, let's keep learning and growing along with our children.
If this topic has piqued your interest, I highly recommend tuning into the podcast episode I had with Mike Arce. Give it a listen – it's a resource that might just change the way you communicate and connect with your children.
Here's to raising confident, self-reliant, and happy kids, one word at a time! 🌟
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